Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Monday, July 19, 2021

My Dad's speech at the Newport Vets Town Hall, 2021

Hello, my name is Rod Auclair. I'll be 82 two months from today, and I find that the real pleasure and treasure of being elderly are our memories. 



God knows, we don't have a lot of time left to make new ones. "Young men shall dream vision and old men shall dream dreams," it says somewhere in the Bible. And some of my best memories came from the beginning of my service in the U.S. Air Force in January, 1962 in enlisted men's basic training at Lockland AFB, San Antonio, to its end as a captain at Stewart AFB in Newburgh, NY in Dec, 1966. Four months before our son, Douglas, was born, his crib, a dresser drawer on a 3rd floor walking opposite the police station on 77 Ann St., Newsburgh.

I started as a weapons controller, better understood as a defense fighter aircraft interceptor director in a 4 story block house, two stories of which housed our giant IBM 2000 computer, no chips then, only very hot and very many glass radio tubes that were our 0101 on/off computing switches. And it worked and we watched those antique fighters (and their pilots) that you once could see lined up outside the gate of Vermont's ANG (Air National Guard) at Burlington, the tubby F-89 Scorpion, the Delta winged darts of the F-102 and F-106, the fantastic F-16. I was a gold bar 2nd Looey then, and learning to direct fighter pilots with no flight experience myself was stressful and scary, but I remember the smile and congratulations from a Korean War vet captain who patted me on the shoulder and said, "Congratulations, Auclair, you got your first [vulgar word deleted] when I and my younger airman ?/c guided a real fighter to attack a real mark inwards, probably a T-80 Korean war vintage Shooting Star.

The affirmation from that good-hearted captain, the lasting affect of what affirmation must mean to all of us. That we had worth, that we have done, and can do, well. This was something special that I found in my military service, for more than in civilian life. And I would find it so even more when I was puzzled to find I was assigned to a year's remote tour to Thule, Greenland, after I had asked for duty in West Germany. THULY? UltimaTule? which translates roughly to "the end of the world."

We were a special squadron, given the task of "bluesuiting" [militarizing] the operations control center of the Ballistic Missile Early Warning System, ironically acronymed "BMEWS"ed, which it wasn't. We would take over from very highly paid RCA contract people to run the monster radar arrays out there, away from the seaport airbase of Thule, formerly the home of Inuit Native Greenlanders who were moved across the icy bay, our whole base including us out in booneys, powered by generators and steam from a permanently moored WWII Liberty Ship.

But the magic was I served with officers and enlisted men who were WWII-Army Air Corps (brown shoe) vets called back to duty for the "Korean" police action of the fifties, who decided – what the hell! – might as well get my 20 [years of service] and retire, courtesy of Uncle Sam. And they (mostly) were a hoot! They had this perspective of "you gotta be kidding" to razing each other by making midnight phone calls (when it was our shift cycles) to their buddies asleep back in the BOQ as the 2th clk, GMT.

11:11 "TOOTHPICKS!" or 22:22 hrs "TRAIN TIME! [too-too:too-too!]" 

Your tax dollars at work.

But the most exciting moment was when Major Lynn F. Walker, Senior Space Surveillance Officer and I, his assistant officer on duty in Ops with our enlisted crew, headed by a very competent and calm Senior M. Sgt, picked up what looked like bogies [missile] coming in our only, huge scanning radar which was about 4 stories high and groaned like one of monster dinos from Jurassic Park. when it moved and locked onto a threat. Alarms went off from Greenland to North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) in Atom Bomb-proof control center mounted on giant springs in Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado Springs. The system console that controlled this radar (alarm lights flashing) to use that the lunar cancellation switch had not been thrown. We were tracking the moon! Sarge reached up and flicked the switch and all became quiet, except for the dripping sweat.

Major Walker and I remained friends for the few short years he lived after he retired. He was so often homesick for his wife at Thule. His wife was Catholic, and he became so also at Thule, and I, half his age, was honored to be his God Father.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Messes

Dear LORD, 

Thank You for today. Thank You for helping me to make so many messes today. I made a mess of everything I ventured today, and I made so many of them. But I a grateful. If I weren't making messes, I wouldntve been doing anything. If I weren't making messes, I'd've been taking myself o-so-seriously, and I do too much of that already. Today, however, I got to break the build, twice, and laugh at it and myself with Clayton. He saw me making mistakes, but, instead of getting angry with myself, I laughed at silly me and fixed my errors or let him correct me and fix my errors, himself. Besides, everything doesn't depend on me: Clayton likes to code, too. He's allowed me the space to code, and, today, I gave him opportunities to code, too. Something he hasn't done in a while.

Thank you for Alpna dropping me off at the Celerity bus stop so I could assuage the little girl's worries that, es, she was at the right bus stop, and yes, it was the right bus that took her to the right stop home, and yes, the bus takes a while to reach the stop. Just as soon as I relieved her worries, the bus arrived and her relief, seeing, not believing me, but seeing the bus was palpable.

LORD, let me be a relief to everyone I see today and everyday. Let me remove one worry from their lives, so, today, they can be happy.

I ask this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.



Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Profiled

... hm.

So, what do you have to say for yourself?

My first day at work, they 'asked' me to provide detailed information about myself.

I did.

This is how I described myself:


Humble. Shy. Quiet. Retiring. Except in meetings.
 
Dedicated and hard working, insightful. Thoughtful. Pensive. Focused. Exacting.
 
Demanding. Detail-oriented: yes, a perfectionist.
 
Cheerful demeanor hides a melancholy disposition.
 
Will never, ever be late to a chicken biryani lunch.
  • The usual suspects: Java, Perl and all the rest. But with some tricks up his sleeve: Haskell, Prolog, Bayesian analysis, Neural Nets, Phonemic parsing, Infons. iLog/JRules. Planning, Scheduling, rule-based decision making
  • Past projects:  Document processing, including chinese language texts, NSA. Rule-based system deployed to border protection, DHS. Document management, SAIC/FBI. Video On Demand,Java/XML system, COMCAST. EarthWatch,Satellite imaging and mission planning, C++,ITT. UAV payloads..., Raytheon/USAF ... to name a few.
  • Interests:      Go, Halo, Writing fiction, Kenjutsu,Mathematics
  • Schools:        United States Coast Guard Academy, George Mason University
  • Birthday:       April 26
 That's me. Who are you to you? Who are you to your coworkers? 

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Red Necks? Pfft! New Englanders!

Forget Red necks ......here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...

  1. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in New England.

  2. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England.

  3. If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.

  4. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.

  5. If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England.

  6. If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.

  7. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.

  8. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England.

  9. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.

  10. If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.

  11. If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England.

  12. If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England

  13. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.

  14. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.

  15. If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.

  16. If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England.

  17. If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England.

  18. If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live or have lived in New England.



... of course, "snow blower" is just plain wrong: shovelling snow builds character. And where're the parts about wood stoves (with the accompanying necessity of chopping, sawing, and splitting the wood) as central heating? Add your own observations below, dear reader.