Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

Friday, September 18, 2020

Baited then switched: what to do? Grin and Bear it?

So, okay, you've been baited into a meeting under a pretense, then, BAM! they switcheroo'd on you. Now you in this ... 'meeting'? do I call it a 'meeting,' when really it's an inquisition. So, you're in this thing, and your back is against the wall.

What do you do?

Here's what you don't do.

What I did: I played along, played nice, and survived the 'meeting' with this or that platitude, as required.

That's the default, right? "Let me just survive this and get the hell out of here."

No.

Why survive a meeting? Why lick the boots of the bossman (and, in my case: bosswoman), cower, and snivel?

For a job? Really? Because you really need this job? Really?

Let me tell you about this job.

It's a job. You do your work, it's part of your life.

You are investing your life into your job.

You only have this life, and then: you are going to die.

And, you're not doing yourself any favors, sniveling and scraping, and you're also not doing your boss any favors, right? You know that, right?

If your boss is being a little tyrant, then that's all they are: little, and a tyrant. So why, even, are you there, if all you are is a yes-man?

I am four years into my second chance. I had two heart attacks – the second one almost killed me – each day, now, is a gift from God Almighty. Am I going to waste this gift in servitude?

I'm an expert in my field. I have 25 years of experience working with some good managers and some bad ones, but they are all human beings, like me (maybe). I don't need to kowtow to my boss. I need to work for my boss to get the job done.

And the job won't get done if I check out as a yes-man. And the job won't get done when the boss is a little tyrant, demanding everybody be afraid of him or her. How can you get your job done if you check out? How can your team get the job done if you're spending time playing mind-games, trying to make people agree with everything that falls out of your mouth?

You can't. They can't. Nobody can.

Try this.

If you don't agree with something, say that. If you get gamed, say that.

"Look, I'm not ready to discuss this now at this meeting. Can we set up another meeting to discuss this?"

That's all you need to do. If they start to wander into mind-games, you call them on it, and say you won't play, because you're here to get work done.

Aren't they?

You do it the right way, they'll appreciate the correction. You do it the wrong way, or the wrong person is your boss, you've made an enemy, and you lost your job.

No big deal. Count yourself blessed to have an enemy who is a little tyrant. Count yourself blessed that you got fired from a job that going to is pure hell. You got out of hell. Get a different job that's better!

But if you don't speak up, it's your fault that your job sucks. And if you do speak up, and your job does get better, then:

Then: your job is better. Not just for you, but for everybody on your team. Because of you.

Think about that before you decide to grin and bear it again.

Think about that.

Bait-and-Switch Meetings

This is the second 'Bait-and-switch'-meeting I've gone to, and I don't appreciate it. If, at the beginning of the meeting, you say: "Oh, and besides X, I also want to talk about you, and your Y," then you've just committed a bait-and-switch. The meeting's agenda is the meeting's agenda, and if you have different things you want to talk about, you set up a different meeting. 

Now, you may say: "Well, I didn't tell you, because I wanted your honest opinion." Three things here: 

  1. You're saying I'm dishonest otherwise? 
  2. You came prepared, but you're not giving me the courtesy of coming prepared? 
  3. and who has the power in this conversation. Are you caught off guard? 
Let me ask you: if your management team called you in for a meeting to talk about administrative stuff, and then they turned it around and asked: "I hear your team is having personality issues, why are you screwing up?" How would you feel? Imposed upon. Look at it as feedback. If you're given feedback, unprepared, and it's hard-hitting, you're reeling from the blow, and don't have the frame of mind to absorb that feedback, much less respond to it with a level head. 

Bait-and-switch meetings are bad, and they come from cowardice. What they do is this: they destroy trust. I now no longer trust going into a meeting that the published agenda is not the actual one, and now I don't want to say anything anymore. You may 'win' your bait-and-switch, by throwing the recipient off-guard and asserting your position of authority, but you lose, big-time: you have now lost the participation of me, up-to-now, a contributing member of the team.

Keep up the good work.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Nap time: or, why I don't sleep


Sleep, n.: or why I don't

OH on twitter today: why are people up all night, working themselves to exhaustion? Isn't it time for you to take a nap.

No, it's not time for me to take a nap.

I'd love to, but here's the problem with that.

I've got bills, inflation has been killing me now for the last five years, seriously, where my income has been less than my expenses ('outgo' as it's called). That's when I have had a job. There's been times, like that Christmas-time when I and everybody else got fired? When I haven't had a job. Do you know how long it takes to find a new job. That takes time.

Oh, and the new job I got. Every morning, I got to wake up and ask myself: what is the boss going to scream at me, in front of everybody, about today? Do I have an answer for him?

Some days I had an answer. Sometimes, my answer was: I just don't have an answer for you.

I'm an expert in my fields of mathematics and computer science. Me, not having an answer for this guy? Wasn't good enough for him. Lots of times, my answers weren't good enough for him.

So I quit that job. People cried when I left, because I was one of the ones who tried to make people's lives better, not worse. I'm sorry to have left that job, but I had to retreat and take care of myself then.

Left in the morning before dawn, came home to pitch-black night, every day. Worked through a lot of weekends. 'Shouldn't you take a nap?'

Sure. That job paid $1,000 less per month than what our bills were.

So now I'm at this new job, a few blocks south of the old one: same commute. And now I don't know what the hell I'm doing, because I'm planning the work for the next two years. I'm not a manager/planner, I'm a mathematician. I am failing in this job big-time, so how long will I last here before I'm out of a job again, looking for work? Before my first pay-check?

So, I'm starting a business, because you know why? because nobody is making ends meet on their job, and once their productive years are over, they are going to be paid a big fat pension and social security is going to send them a huge check to cover all their expenses for the rest of their lives?

Sure, if they commit suicide right (before) their last payday at work.

People, we all are in hot water, and if you're not, my hat's off to you, but if you are, you're 1) in a lot company, 2) smart if you see the writing on the wall 3) working two jobs to make ends meet and 4) wondering how the hell you're going to survive your retirement.

Oh, take a nap and chillax, the problems can wait.

Sure they can.

And your wife isn't asking you how we're going to pay the mortgage or rent and the insurance this month?

But a nap sounds oh-so-good right about now, doesn't it?

Or, how about this?

Instead of napping, write.

My novel-in-progress? I have received three emails so far of people who said they didn't kill themselves because of something I wrote stayed their hand from offing themselves.

How many lives have you saved today? How many lives will your nap?

I ask myself that every day I don't write: what is your problem? Is it so big that it's bigger than saving somebody's life today.

But you go take that nap and scold me for not taking one myself, so you can justify yours because we all bow our heads to your level.

Instead of napping, work.

The first eight hours of work let you live today.

The next eight hours let you live for tomorrow. What are you doing with those next eight hours?

I'm starting a business that will multiply not only my income, but will also create wealth.

Do you have wealth? Do you have the ability to create wealth?

Yes, you do. You are a human being, alive right now, you have ideas x, y, and zed in your head, or if you're a talkative sombitch, that you're complaining and whining about every day.

Instead of talking and whining, and saying, 'oh, I'll get to that sometime; I'll get to that someday,' … get to it now. Get to it today.

The difference of a successful business owner and a good worker is …

Ta-dah!

Nothing, and less than nothing.

The business owner just takes responsibility for his or her own sphere, including the people of the company. The good worker just takes responsibility for his or her own sphere on the job.

So, do so damn well at work, they start thinking 'we've got to promote this one; this one is actually doing something, unlike all the others.'

And shut up, you've seen it on the job, the 80/20 rule. 80%: tell me what to do, or I'll do nothing. 20%: I did this; what do I do next?

Where do you fit in?

Fit yourself into the 20% on your job. Your life and soul depend on it.

Then, start a business, when you know you're ready, and fit your business in the top 20%.

Then we'll talk about naps.

Okay, so let's talk about naps.

Last night, instead of working through, I took a nap. So my technical indicators system, not ready for prime-time, is still not ready for prime time.

We'll get back to that cost in a minute.

Last night, instead of preparing my lunch for today, I took a nap. So now I need to buy lunch. The cheapest option is to buy some tasteless GMO-crap at Safeway, which, in Bethesda, will set me back $7-$8. So, Chipotle? That's ten dollars. That's the cost of a nap.

Also, I didn't prepare breakfast. I got a free muffin at dunkin donuts because I have a dunkin donuts card from my employer, because I listen and retain. Then I bought my yogurt at Safeway: $1.69 and I got to stand in line behind an idiot, again. And then I bought a small coffee for $2.07.

An additional $4 that nap cost me.

We have no credit left. None. I paid cash.

But I should take a nap.

The last technical indicators system. I worked with the guy who developed it. His partner (not me) sold out on him for a cool lowest bidder of $5 …

$5 million dollars.

My technical indicators system is not ready for prime time. It's making money …

Listen to me … my technical indicators system is making money!

How much work-per-day will I have to do once this system is up and running? Oh, I estimate 30 minutes per day. And then it makes money for me that day.

That system, when it's ready for prime time, and up and running with a proven audit-trail will be worth no less than $30 million dollars.

But, instead of working on it last night, getting it ready for prime time, I took a nap.

My nap? It only cost me $30,000,015.00 last night.

You have that kind of chump change?

1) give it to me
2) then tell me to take a nap.

I will.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Eight Months

Dear LORD,

Thank You for this day coming up to the end of this month of October, the tenth month of the year and completing the eighth month of my employment.

Thank You for giving me my family. Please watch over my daughters as they visit their auntie in California.

Thank You for giving me my work. Please bless me with it and make me productive and helpful. Please bless it and my coworkers, drawing it and them closer to perfection into Your Divine Love.

LORD, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done. Not what I want but what You will.

I ask this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Friends: Treasures on Earth

Dear LORD,

Thank You for today.

Thank You for giving me this leadership role on the job, and thank You for helping me to grow into it.

LORD, thank You for granting me strength and perseverance these days. Please help me always to worship You, to cherish my family, and to do well wherever You need me. Help me to do good and help me to avoid evil.

My little Elena Marie is growing up . Please be with her as she struggles along with her changing mind and body. Keep her heart in Your care. Help my little Isabel Marie, and myself, and my wife to eat what is right and healthy and to do so in moderation.

Please be with Diane's parents as they visit. Make our home a welcome one, a place of peace and joy. Please be with her brothers back in the Philippines and also with my extended family and friends, treasures You have sent me on this Earth.

Help me to treasure these gifts You have sent me here and help me to treasure the gifts You lay up in Heaven for those who love, serve, and adore You. Help me and all those who seek You find You and love You in Your glory!

I ask this through Jesus, the Christ.

Amen

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Your Love (the only thing that matters)

Dear LORD,

Thank you for today.

Brrrr!

It was a cold day today! Especially coming off such a warm day the day before. So! Thank you, LORD, for keeping me safe and warm today throughout the day. Thank You, LORD, for the simple things You gave me today, little miracles for which I'm grateful: a simple lunch with my coworkers where we got to talk about things other than work, like getting married and video games (at work? not likely!).

Thank You for letting me complete my one task today. Please help me to be effective and efficient at work getting things done, showing results so the customer can be pleased to give the users what they need.

LORD, we lost in our family. My sister has tried and fought for a long, long time to help Peter be a person free from his past and a good, kind, loving boy, not lashing out at his parents and other children. But after years of trying, she's had to ask for State help to take over his care and to keep him in a controlled and safe environment. Please, LORD, be with Beki, Howland, Peter, and Sofia. Give them Your Love and strength. Help them.



I ask this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

'I' is for Interviews



Dear LORD,

Thank You for today. Thank You, finally! for the fourth interview at FINRA... two months interviewing for this contract. Thank You for letting the interview flow well. Thank You for a nice meeting with Clayton and with Matt. Thank You for the friendly, easy-going conversations, for their not belaboring check-marks but for them getting down to what was important for them and why.

LORD, please let me start working on this job this week so that I may start getting paid agains so that our family can weather this financial crisis and so that we can return to some stability.

Thank You for the forbearance of my wife during this difficult time. Please reward her with many spiritual and temporal blessings for her keeping the family safe and secure during this crisis.

LORD, please help us to dig our way out of this debt and return to solvency. Please bless me with strength and determination so that I may see through what needs to be done so we can succeed, again, and prosper!

LORD, thank You for the generosity of my Dad with money so that he could keep us afloat over Christmas.  Thank You LORD, for my dad and his good financial sense and hard work.

LORD, thank You for letting me apply myself to getting the taxes done, Fed-wise, please help me to get those forms sent off (done) and also help me to complete my Commonwealth taxes today (done).

LORD, thank You for the kindness and generosity of acquaintances.

Please, LORD, help us. Heal this broken world. We are all trying so hard, yet we in such dire straights. The World is not working without You in it. Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done.

I ask all these things in the name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Thanksgiving during job hunt


Dear LORD,

Thank You for today. Exciting day, what? with the interview with the test manager at FINRA and then the email from the manager at ICF. When Your blessings come, they come like rain, don't they? LORD, please keep raining Your blessings down on us like rain in the desert: a torrent of blessings for us, your beloved children.  Thank You, too, that while answering the prayers for the things I want and need, You also answer the things I want and need and don't ask for, things like heat in the house and food on the table and the love given and received in my family, Christmas gifts for the children from their Mama and from friends, neighbors and relatives, Atrium, swim team for the girls and dietbet [two words unreadable]. Thank You for this special quiet time away from the hustle and bustle of work that I can reflect and grow, and thank You for the hustle and bust of work, where I can be an example of Your charity and be amazed when I see You in others, in the littlest things people do for each other. When I gave Shantanu my Rosary bead from my broken Rosary, he received it with delight and wonder.  It was the simplest, silliest thing I did, but he reverenced it: he knew You are important to me, and he accepted my token with reverence. Please, let this be the seed where he finds true happiness in You.

LORD, I thank You that so many of my coworkers have found work again, and right away after being let go over Christmas. Please be with them and bless them in their work so that they may meet their obligations and be happy and fulfilled in their daily labors.

I ask you this through Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

What I Got for Christmas: Fired

Dear LORD,

Thank You for today.

So. I got fired Monday, me, along with nearly everyone else on my contract, and not only me, and my fellow contractors, but also across the board: other companies working on this and other projects all were told we are done.

Mr. Sh. asked me how I feel about all this, and at that time I had no answer, but now, thinking about it, dwelling on it, I'm angry, sad, and bitter. Just before Christmas is when this company lets go of all these people? Advent is supposed to be the time of preparing for Your coming, not for updating my resume and looking for a contract and negotiating a price. Don't these decision-makers realize the damage they have done to not just "contractors" but to families? And on Christmas?

Yeah: angry, sad, and bitter.

But.

Either You are LORD of all, or You are not.

And either I accept this, and accept that You are, or I do not.

Come, LORD, into my resentful heart, and heal it.

I ask this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Maps

Dear LORD,

Thank You, thank You, thank You for today.

Thank You for brining me help today in the form of my coworkers, Sri and Srini, who helped me to see what the problems were and to see where they were so I could apply myself to them properly and to fix them. Please help to bring these issues to a close so that the project can move forward and so that people can do their jobs and be happy doing them.

Thank You, also for helping me to lose a little bit of weight. Help me to stay disciplined so that I can eat rightly and keep this weight off and so that I can continue to lose weight until I am back at my ideal weight and can maintain a healthy outlook to live a healthy life.

Thank you for giving me clear vision and a burning heart so that I can see a way to do things no one else can and so that I burn until I accomplish the things I set out to do.  Please give me that zeal for myself. I've shown my worth, over and over, to my employers; please allow me to show it for myself so I amy prosper my business.

Thank you for giving me imagination and sympathy, so that I may write stories that others care to read, take to heart, and feel better about themselves and their day.

Please, LORD, be with our family the rest of this week:  my girls need me to shepherd them this weekend at the Richmond conference so my wife can be free to attend the conference, learn, contribute, share, and grow. Please be with her today and every day. She is so good for me and for us, and we love her.

I ask all this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Discouraged by Burdens


Dear LORD,

Thank You for today.

Some days — today — it's harder to say that than others. You rain down plentiful blessings today, as You do, every day, but some days I make it harder on myself to be open to receiving them.  I started this day on a meditation on death, but ended up becoming dogmatic, self-righteous, and now regret writing anything about it. There's a lesson: write, then stop and pray about it for a day first.

Today we had biryani for lunch, and free, too, but I'm still stuck on yesterday's lost free lunch because Jesumine was sick? Please, LORD, reform my heart and restore Jesumine to good health and happiness, too. But I am caught up in secular things: my system isn't working, and I don't know why, and I'm angry and frustrated about that. Nish is leaving to lead a team at thirty dollars more per hour, and I'm happy for him, but also sad that I feel stuck in this high-paying job that I'm buffeted about in and am still not meeting the bills.

I am thankful to have had the conversation with my wife about the costs of living here and living with paying off our debts, as that is one burden she shared instead of continuing to carry that burden by herself, but I'm sad to be the one to have put us there that she has to bear this burden of us getting out of it, and now the IRS with a three-thousand dollar penalty besides? When they tax us for a year with no income? It screams of injustice, and I don't want to play this game any more, but I don't know how to walk away from the table (responsibly), so I keep playing a game I'm losing at, and I'm becoming a sore loser, besides. 

And, all the while, everyone around me is supportive, hopeful, and encouraging: they are confident that I'm competent and will do well, and that, even, is a source of discouragement for me. How can they believe in me, when I don't? Do You feel the same way about me, too, LORD? Why?

I plead for Your Divine Help in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The worth of 500 words ...




So, how much are another 500 words worth? It's now 8:01 am and I could drive off, and right now, to catch the bus at Hummer Road, or I could write, right now, another 500 words and be done with my 750 words for today.

Last night I worked 13 hours and got home just in time to eat a little bit of supper and then drive off to Adoration, then I had just enough energy to write a few words and then just simply try to stay awake for the LORD. I didn't do a very good job of it, so I offer my sleepiness as a mortification, that the LORD may take it, my meager effort, and that good may come from it.

And then I got home and stayed awake another hour and a half watching useless Youtube videos. I did want to write. I do, but then things get in the way.

Writing takes courage, and I have courage. Writing takes strength, and I have strength. Writing takes will, and I have will. So, I simply need to apply my courage, strength, and will, and write when I can write.

So here's the thing, ... to make up for yesterday's lack of writing, I'm writing right now, but then that eclipses me taking the bus this morning and afternoon, where I get in good writing. So, by writing, to make up for last night's lack, I lose very good writing time today, which means I may have to make up for it tomorrow.

I need to play catch-up. Catsup is very good on everything I hear, so I need to catch-up at work, therefor the 10, then 13 hours spent there. I need to catch-up on my writing, so therefor the catch-up right now, and I need to catch-up on my business and stock trading, or therefor life and bills are going to catch-up with me, and I don't see a good way of digging myself out of those troubles, because I'm not doing a very good job of digging myself out of them right now, even with a well-paying job.

I have  a well-paying job, and still the bills are larger than the income. How can I dig my way out later when I'm digging my way in deeper now?

I'm at 623 words, which means I have another 100 words to go, and I'm missing my bus, and I'm really pissed about that, but instead of leaving this half-done, I'm finishing this, driving all the goodness-gracious way to work, and then driving all the way home after working my butt off and facing the music at work, to come home, to write some more for midnight tonight, so that TOMORROW I will be caught up and TOMORROW I will be able to take the bus.

Tomorrow will be a better day, because TODAY I'm finishing what I'm starting, even thought it's annoying as all get-out that I have to finish this now, and I didn't finish it earlier, even though I'm SO way behind in work that I'm working all these extra hours, and I still haven't caught up. I have to catch-up today and show something. And then come home, and be with my family.

Help me, God, o Jesus, to get through my days, and be the man my wife and daughters need in their life.

Amen.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Prosperity


Dear LORD,

Thank You for today. Thank You for the small miracles of today that helped me, not only to make it through today, but also to enjoy parts of it, even at work. Thank you for giving me a tasking that has in it new skills for me to acquire so that work is not something I simply have ot get through, but something where I can feel like I am participating in for the accomplishment of the goals of the group.

Thank You, LORD, for this past week, and the extra long weekend on the 4th, U.S.A. Independence Day, gave me special time with my family where we could scamper over rocks on the Billy Goat Trail and watch the fireworks at the Fairfax County High School, a new and enjoyable experience: crowded, but a respite from the pressing mob at the Mall n D.C.

Thank You, LORD, for the special gift of Susannah's recovery to her family, for the very special gift of her recognizing me, smiling and waving. Such a simple gesture from her, but such a welcoming one to see, that even if everything isn't okay, and may not be, she still has that joy in her to be happy to say 'hi!'

Today, Tuesday, I am supposed to answer the question of supporting local farming. I haven't so far. Please keep me on track and honest, so that I do what I say. Please, LORD, increase my productivity one-hundred fold, so that when I awaken, I hit the ground running hard and fast and inspired. I've written and journaled every day for the past over one-hundred days, please focus and turn my attention to my business so that it may benefit as well and so that when it prospers, it rains blessings down on me, my family, and my friends.

I ask all these in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

A 'Case of the Mondays'

Dear LORD,


Please help me.

Please help me to be productive and helpful, kind and charitable at work. Please help me not to be angry and bitter, sullen and spiteful. Please take my anger and fear, my dislike of this new job, into Your hands and forge it anew, transform this passionate distaste into a passionate desire to help and then into a passion for my work that does help. Translate passion into passion. Make me an instrument, not of destruction and sabotage but of an example of Your Grace, a guiding light for my coworkers to admire and to emulate. Turn my place of work from being dispirited to being inspired.

LORD, I need the gifts of the Holy Spirit today, now, and as I go into work, and stumble and fail. When I do that, do not let me wallow, but pick me up, so that I may try again, and keep trying until it works, and I work, and we all work.

Labora, a gift from you. Please let it be so for me and my coworkers today, and everyday.

I ask this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.

The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are:


  1. Wisdom
  2. Understanding
  3. Counsel
  4. Fortitude
  5. Knowledge
  6. Piety
  7. Fear of the LORD

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A Reckoning


Dear LORD,

Wow.

Thank You for today. It's been a week now at Freddie Mac, and it feels like I've been away from the chapel, away from You, forever.

The new job is so much worse than I thought it would be, and I have few reasons to stay, besides the need for the money. The worst reason. 

But You put me there. To teach me what? Humility? Fortitude? Patience? Trust? Or are You teaching me to use my brain and to know when to run when I should? Or what?

Did you place @rmedia along my bus route home for a reason? What reason? Was it to humble me to show me "there but by Your Grace go I"? After all, James Bailey and I were in the exact same positions as software developers at SAIC 10 years ago, and now he's the president and cofounder of a successful multimillion dollar software VAR/content management company, and I'm struggling to make ends meet every day, every month, back to doing the same-ol', same-ol' as an hourly employee.

Or is this a beacon of hope for me? James did this, and all he had back then was an idea and the conviction to see it through. I have an idea, too, and I have friends, like James does, and I have conviction. Ten years from now I could be the president and cofounder of my own multibillion dollar start up financial company, instead of being another consumer, one of the many who simply work for these companies, instead of having them work for me.

I'm at a point now where I have questions with ready answers, but how to proceed from here, right now, today, yields vastly different futures with significant impacts on my day, starting today.

What do I do, LORD?

My life has lead me to this point — not to the point where I wanted to be, but to the point where I find You wanted me. Why?

Tomorrow is July 4th —American Independence Day — and I find myself sad for myself and my Country.  I feel we are more servile to tyranny today than we were when we threw off the yoke and declared our freedom from oppression. We have more liberties, more options, today than ever before, but instead of this abundance making us better, we have become slothful: libertines. I have this terribly sad fear that a reckoning is coming for my sins, but my daughters are going to be the ones to pay for them.

Please watch over them, the innocents, and me, the guilty, and our Country, and the World.

I ask this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen. 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Ardor from Hate


Dear LORD,

Tuesday, my first day at Freddie Mac, is done.

Thank You for it being over.

Thank You for being with me this first day, especially in the kindness of strangers, my new coworkers. Thank you for letting them be people who make the effort to extend themselves to help, to take time out of their day and their tasks to help me start, to set up my new work laptop and to schedule me getting my badge and all the little necessary things that aren't productive for them but so needed for me to find my feet.

It's a hard lesson to learn again: I must relearn to walk before I can hit the ground running... and I so want to run now.

LORD, I hate my new situation. I hate the cramped, public working conditions. I hate the heavy feel of anticipation and expectation and hurry from the team: why run only to plummet over a cliff? I hate the familiar faces from my old work-place, that they have new friends now and that they (think they) know me, adding to the burden of how I'm supposed to be here.

Stumbling blocks.

LORD, take these stones I reject and make them into an ediface pleasing to your sight.  Take my hates, my anger and fear and turn them into zeal for my Father's house to consume the 'me' in me and make me burn with ardor so that others may see me ablaze with Your Love and Spirit. Take my weaknesses and fill my emptiness with You and Your Strength, LORD, so that this new situation may be a blessing to me, to my family and to my society, these new coworkers, so I may be a blessing to them through You.

I ask all this in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.

Auld Lang Syne


Dear LORD,

Last, or, penultimate, day of work at Fannie Mae for the present.

Thank You for allowing me to start this last day correctly in Your Presence, LORD. Funny how we are always in the present in Your Presence, but we are always dwelling on the past or always worrying about the future. Why is that, LORD? Why is it that we dwell on the things we can no longer change or worry about the things that will most likely never come to pass? Why cannot we always be, now, like You, and instead of dwelling or worrying we could simply be, like You, and praise the gift You've given us, every second: the Present?

Thank You, LORD, for today. Thank You LORD, for the gifts that You are giving me today: my wife, who loves me and understands me and accepts me, no matter how trying I am. Thank You for the gifts of my children, who, no matter how stern, strict, and angry I can be with them, still forgive me and se me as their 'funny Papa.'  Thank You for letting me lose my cell phone last Thursday, allowing me to unplug from pointless distractions and plug back into what really matters: You, my family — my life.  Perhaps this job-chage will be to me what Father Berez's trials were to him: a roommate in seminary that he didn't want and an assignment to St. Michael, a parish he didn't ask for in prayer — stumbling blocks that became cornerstones in his life. Perhaps leaving this very good thing where I am loved and accepted, and going onto this new thing where I will start over and rebuild trust and understanding, are blessings from You.

Please make it so?

I ask these things in the Name of Jesus, the Christ.

Amen.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Profiled

... hm.

So, what do you have to say for yourself?

My first day at work, they 'asked' me to provide detailed information about myself.

I did.

This is how I described myself:


Humble. Shy. Quiet. Retiring. Except in meetings.
 
Dedicated and hard working, insightful. Thoughtful. Pensive. Focused. Exacting.
 
Demanding. Detail-oriented: yes, a perfectionist.
 
Cheerful demeanor hides a melancholy disposition.
 
Will never, ever be late to a chicken biryani lunch.
  • The usual suspects: Java, Perl and all the rest. But with some tricks up his sleeve: Haskell, Prolog, Bayesian analysis, Neural Nets, Phonemic parsing, Infons. iLog/JRules. Planning, Scheduling, rule-based decision making
  • Past projects:  Document processing, including chinese language texts, NSA. Rule-based system deployed to border protection, DHS. Document management, SAIC/FBI. Video On Demand,Java/XML system, COMCAST. EarthWatch,Satellite imaging and mission planning, C++,ITT. UAV payloads..., Raytheon/USAF ... to name a few.
  • Interests:      Go, Halo, Writing fiction, Kenjutsu,Mathematics
  • Schools:        United States Coast Guard Academy, George Mason University
  • Birthday:       April 26
 That's me. Who are you to you? Who are you to your coworkers? 

Friday, February 22, 2013

"Here I am, LORD"


"Here I am, LORD"

So, yesterday at work, Dharni, Shishir and Anteneh looked pretty glum. This weekend the xxx batch process will be running, and it has to be monitored hourly (to make sure that it is, indeed, running, and not being bogged down or quit), so 4 guys, including Daniel, that means six hour shifts, day or night, regardless, throughout the weekend.

So I said, "Do you want me to help?"

And they said, "Yes," gratefully.

When God asked the heavenly host, "Whom shall I send?" Elijah responded, "Here I am, LORD," in response to God's call.

Elijah: אֱלִיָּהוּ "My God is the LORD."

But what was God's call?

God's call was to bring His message to His people. That is: to do His Work. And what is His Work? Well, in Elijah's case it was to prophesy. But why? The why was to bring His people closer to Him, to ease their burden, not because it was His burden but because the burden they bore was that of worldly concerns.

When I asked, "Do you want me to help?" I knew I was sacrificing my weekend, and, given the project I'm working on, I'm truly sacrificing it, as in, I'm not going to be paid for this, no matter what my contract says. And maybe, God willing, I will get paid for it, but we're all in the same boat in that regard, and moreso: Dharni and Anteneh are full-time/salaried employees ... all they get is a 'thank you.' Maybe.

But being a priest, prophet and king requires sacrifice. Nobody wants to do it. Jonah ran when God called him to speak His Word to the Ninevites. Good King George VI (to be) cried when his brother Edward VIII abdicated the throne to him.

Why?

Because to be a King means standing in front of everybody, straight and strong, but powerless to do or to change anything, just seeing the people you reign over throw themselves in front of enemy swords and guns to defend you and to follow your command, and because why? Because you hope and pray what you've sent them off to is the right, and not a foolish and terrible mistake that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

Because to be a prophet means to tell people what terrible and bad things they are doing, and the certain doom they are facing, and not have them thank you for this 'Good News' but, instead, turn on you, hate you, persecute you, kill you, and laugh when nothing happens to them, because God's Word and Justice isn't like instant coffee, punishing you right away. It does, but sometimes not visibly, no, sometimes it takes 40 years of your iniquity for the Persians or the Romans to roll in and roll over your country and to destroy your temple and your culture and to disperse your people to the four winds. But you tell them all this will happen, and they laugh at you or ignore you.

Because to be a priest is, yes, to offer the sacrifice to God, but it's all day, every day, getting up in the wee early morning hours, going out to be among the people, serving them, going home, exhausted, and alone, no wife, no children, no friends (you're a priest, after all, who wants to hang with you?), waking up early again the next morning and doing it all over again for the rest of your life, and then have a parishioner come up to you after Mass and critique your homily: "Father, you were wrong to talk about politics: this is church, keep your religion out of the voting booth." or even: "I think you said the word 'very' too much, Father, it made your homily boring."

So you pour your heart out and people don't understand what you're doing or call you boring?

Priest, Prophet and King. All sacrifice themselves to the laity, the common man, who doesn't understand nor care, so gratitude? Forget it.

God calls us, each of us, to martyr ourselves, some: literally, but some, us, me, in little ways. He asks us to take up our crosses and follow Him, and the reward isn't what we're going to get out of it: no one deserves Heaven nor can 'earn the right' to it. The reward is the sacrifice itself. God calls us to worship Him and to be of service to others. By saying 'do you need my help?' I sacrifice a tiny, teeny little bit of nothing: 'my rights,' 'my time,' none of which belong to me, anyway. But in that sacrifice, I'm in service to others, an example of what Jesus the Christ was for me, and in so doing, do I save my coworkers?

No. But I answered God's call to service, giving up myself for Him.

I'll let Him save them through my example or through the movement of the Spirit in them. 

I'm here to do what God wills me to do. I'll let God be God and do the rest.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Prashanti/St. Francis Prayer

From the liner notes of Passages a collaboration between Philip Glass and Ravi Shankar:

Prashanti (Peacefulness) An extended orchestral work in two parts:
  • Musical depiction of joyful people living in harmony. Slowly, greed, envy, hatred and violence creep into their contented lives.
  • 'Out of this chaos a voice sings out in Vedic prayer:


    'Hey Nat(h), hama para kripa kijiye.
    Door kara andhakar, gyan ka aloka dijiye,
    hinsa dwesh lobha bamese chhin lijiye,
    manamey prem shanti bhar dijiye.'

    Oh, Lord. Be benevolent to us.
    Drive the darkness away. Shed upon us the light of wisdom.
    Take the jealousy, envy, greed and anger from us,
    and fill our hearts with love and peace.

... and a feeling of spiritual awakening, peace and tranquillity descends upon people's minds.

So, I'm in a project where all my coworkers are originally from India, both North and South India. They are like two different countries, really, but there is a commonality to these all very different people, and that is ...

What is that commonality? They all have their children lined up to go to "TJ" (Thomas Jefferson High School), they all have their children's futures lined up for them: they are going to be doctors or lawyers or engineers, and they all are holding down two or three careers, buying gold, buying land in India, buying stocks, everything.

The whole American dream: work hard and be successful, and make sure your children do better than you.

They are living this, and worrying about this, every day of their lives.

Just like we are, right? We want to make sure we keep our jobs, and we worry about our children, and make sure our future is covered the best we can, right?

But there's a difference that I see between the Eastern mind and the Western one.

In everything they do, all of them, there's this sense of immanence. They go to the temple, they celebrate Diwali, even if they don't know precisely what they're celebrating, they honor their parents.

You may think you do this: you honor your parents, you go to church, you celebrate Christmas and Easter...

But there is a difference.

And that difference is, somewhere along the way, we of the Western mind felt that God was over there, and we had to work hard and to succeed, but by our own merits. "God in the workplace," is a 'nice idea' but it's fundamentally an alien concept to the Western mind. "Separation of Church and State" (and business) isn't written in the Constitution, but it's been an abiding idea in the Western mind for centuries ... in fact: basically from the Enlightenment and the Protestant Reformation, to point fingers, and then, to point a finger back: from the time Adam bit the apple offered by Eve.

Sadly, Jesus Christ came to us, and died for our sins, and left us the legacy of the Trinity. That's not the sad part. The sad part is this. We took this. We accepted it, and we ran out to the streets and died in the circuses, and held the cross high, proclaiming the Good News.

And then we tried to wrap our heads around what it meant. What is God, that He is One Being in Three Persons. So, after we converted everybody to this new Faith, we tried to understand, to be better. That's good. And we spent one thousand years, just simply absorbing the fact that God is our Father.

Any other religion, you don't find that. God isn't a Father. God is a Creator, and separate from His creation. But our faith says differently: that God became Man, and in so becoming, sanctified us, giving mankind a nobility and divinity by co-participation.

Who can imagine that? Nobody, that's who. Not the Greeks (as some people claim that Christianity came from), not anybody. So we sat down to think about what it all means, and people call this the 'Dark Ages,' but it wasn't 'dark' at all, and in that thinking we so ingrained in ourselves the certainty of God and His Fatherhood, that you can't even be an atheist without first acknowledging God's supremacy and active paternity. The semantics don't exist in the Western thought to express anything other than that. I mean, listen to all the arguments from the atheists, and the very mode of discourse requires them to acknowledge what they profess (note the word) to disbelieve (so they believe in something even if that something is nothing and they have to have faith in their 'disbelief').

But God ... must be so, so disappointed. We took one thousand years to grasp this and create our entire language around this, from the heathen Latin to all the languages that have Latin roots, and we worked this into our very being, this understanding.

And then came the 'Enlightenment' and then came the Industrial Revolution and we used this understanding to turn a person into ... not a machine, but just a cog turning the great wheel of progress, and progress toward what? More progress. We created science, originally, to understand and to revere the things divinity gave us, and then we forgot what we were looking at, and simply revered that we could look. "I have Science! What need have I of God?"

The Great Divorce.

And now, in some countries, it's a crime to say the word "God" in a public place. What you do privately is your matter, but if you impose your beliefs on anybody else, you'll have to answer to the State.

Religion is no longer the opiate of the masses, because the Mass is now outlawed, or, worse: a private matter having nothing to do with the State or the Corporation.

But to the Eastern mind, every movement, every action, every thought is underscored by immanence. God is there. And when God is mentioned, it's not a question, it's not a marvel or an oddity. God is God, and they have no understanding of what God is: they don't box Him (even into gender).

But for them, God underscores everything they do, even to the point of every breath.

Even to the point of this. One of my coworkers is an atheist. He doesn't believe in God. He doesn't care. God can exist or not exist. It's not his problem. But unlike the Western atheist who struggles with God, every step of the way in his 'disbelief.' This man knows: this is it. He is it. He takes a smoke, he does his job, he raises and loves his daughter, but he is entirely beyond the question of good and evil: he knows that he is it, and everything he does depends on him, and him alone.

His daughter came home from school one day and said, "Daddy, God did all this." And he said, "No, honey, Daddy did all this."

And he got scolded when he told us this story. "Don't force your beliefs on your daughter!"

(Did you see that? An atheist has to believe)

And he answered. "Hey, the schools are forcing their beliefs on her!" (Montessori, of course) "She can believe what she wants to believe, but I'm telling her that Daddy did that, because I did."

Because, for him, he did. He lifted his hand to build his deck or install the TV or whatever, and, for him, since there is no God, he is the ultimate authority on what is or what isn't there. He doesn't struggle with anything, as the Western atheists do: he has the absolute certainty of his convictions that this is it and he acts and speaks accordingly, from their firmness of his convictions.

And so what?

And this is the so what: his coworkers do, too, even in their belief. They may be Sikh or (orthodox) Hindu or 'just an Indian' but they have a steady conviction, a peacefulness that all is going as it should be going, and that they do their part, that much, and no more, and the rest gets done. And they are the hardest working people I know, and there is nothing that troubles them, because why? Because whether they believe or don't believe, or what they believe, it is all going as it should.

I think we've abandoned that in the West. I think we traded in God for Science or for Success and we forgot what we traded Him in for, and now, it doesn't even matter anymore. All we have is this hurry, worry and nausea, and it's making everybody sick, but that doesn't matter, because nobody matters anymore, it's Progress, the machine, or Policy that matters more than the person.

And if you don't believe that, go pull your kid from school in Sweden. It's just starting, people. Sickness is replacing Hope, and we are marching, lockstep, toward our own self-destruction: lambs to the slaughter, and we've done this, willingly, to ourselves, and we do it, every morning we hit the alarm, moan, shower and rush off to work.

Not 'work,' but 'Work.' ... our only reason to exist now is to serve the Corporate State.

That's the Bad News.

We traded in the Good News, and we traded it in for Nothing.

The Worse News is that we are imbued with the Good News.

We knew we had it. We know we gave it away. We did this to ourselves.

Like I said: God sees us spend a thousand years to try to understand the Mystery, and our understanding is what we have right now. We are living our dystopian future ... today.

Don't believe me? Go to work on Monday and count all the smiling, happy people in your corporate office.

There is one ray of Hope.

And that is God.

There is nothing we can do, and nothing we can look forward to, if there were no God.

But God is God. "I am," He said.

He 'am.' And right here, and right now. The only reason we despair is because we turn away from God, and that is an active measure on our part. We have to do well in school, or at work, or take the kids to soccer practice, and in all this 'do'ing we actively turn from God, and say: "Not now, LORD."

And we do it now, so much so out of habit, that we're not even aware we're doing it: it's like breathing, us turning away from God, but it is an active choice, just like breathing is.

And just like breathing, we can choose to turn toward God, even as we do whatever we do wherever we do it. We can still take the kids to soccer practice, and be aware, at every stoplight, that God is here and that God is good. We can be at school and be listening to the professor and learning, and know that God is in us as we learn. We can dedicate ourselves to our work, and do well, just as we always do already anyway, ... and, but now: know that God is in us and around us and through us as we do what we do at our places of work as we be a 'little Christ' to our coworkers.

But how do we do that?

I look to my Eastern friends. They do what I do. But they don't worry. Even as they worry, they don't worry.

Worry comes from fear, and faith and fear are opposed: you have one or the other.

If God is present in what you are doing as you go about your day ...

Is God present? Yes. Are you aware of that?

If you are, then you have no worries. You do what you do, and what happens happens.

It's that simple.

How do you 'make' yourself aware of God's presence?

Pray. It's 'ora et labora.'

You work your prayer into your work, and then work becomes easy. Why? Because work itself is very easy for a person, you, capable of doing the work. All the 'work' of work is all the worry you roll into it. When you replace that worry, that fear, with faith, work became so easy! and a joy! and you become a person that your coworkers want to hang with, because now you're cool and nice and friendly and happy, even in those moments when you're serious or angry or scolding. God fills everything: you, your coworkers, your boss, your employees, your work, so it all just gets done.

And when that happens, you're not a cog in the Big Machine. No: you're co-participating in the Divine Plan, and that's a very different thing.

We've killed ourselves. We've killed our Hope, and we've traded in our souls for Despair.

But we can save ourselves, by letting God save us.

And it all starts with you. And it starts when you start to pray, again, finally, and listen for what God is saying to you.

Do you know what God is saying to you?

"Well done, my good and faithful servant. Behold my child, in whom I am well-pleased. I will be your God and you will be My people."

We have a God who loves us, a Father who loves His children.

A bird falls from the sky, and God knows. He knows you and He loves you.

When you pray, you become aware of this. Again. And when you let Love in, you become grateful.

Imagine being grateful, as you work.

You can change this bleak world, lost in despair.

And all you have to do is let God back into your heart.

... Look at St. Francis' prayer. You notice something, comparing it to the Prashanti? The prayer for peace? It's the same prayer. East, West: it doesn't matter. We need God, and when we let God in, we are filled with His Peace.